So you cannot go on like that anymore. You love
him, sure, (or so you think) but it’s
just not working out. In any “department”. But hold on, the bedroom department,
is actually quite good… Who cares now? You haven’t lived under one roof for
over half a year. Every now and then you would get together because you are
still used to each other and spend a steamy night. It all seems better after
such night: problems kind of drift away and you are quietly whispering to
yourself “See, you cannot live without me! Ha!”
But before you know it, problems creep back in
again. The magic of that “every now and then” night wears off and you feel that
you are facing the same old disagreements and misunderstanding. Cold shoulder.
And, to be completely honest, you cannot really stand his life approach. There
are a lot of things that just annoy you about him: he spends way too much time
with his mother, he is far from being romantic, he is just not the type of
person you always dreamt about. He is not your type. But leaving him seems like
an improbable venture.
This is the moment when you need to take a time
out of your love-emotions, sit down and think logically. Take a piece of paper
and a pen if you need to see a clearer picture before your eyes. Paper can take
everything, so start writing!
Write down all the ‘pros’ = handsome, clever,
his salary and future career are promising, he is a good father to your child
(if applicable), honest. OK, now the ‘cons’ = doesn’t give you enough
attention, spends all the time either at work or with his mother, too scrupulous
with money, you have children together but he still hasn’t proposed to you,
even after 6 years together. I am giving you an example from my past but
obviously everyone’s situation is different. You will have points on your list
that are typical to your own situation.
Have a good look at all these points, pay
special attention to the ‘pros’ part of the list. You man deserves it, no
matter how mad you are with him at present. Refer to Personality Types http://cherryblossomcoach.blogspot.co.nz/p/personality-types.html Think: how you can press the right buttons
with him? What is HIS language of love? For example for my ex-husband, the “language
of love” was to be completely domesticated, to clean, cook, wash, scrub etc.
And he would completely clam up and play deaf if I was asking him to go out
with me: take me out for dinner or just take a walk through the city.
Are you prepared to talk his language of love
and work for your relationship? Going through the analysis of different
personality types, you might discover that you are totally prepared to change
your ways for him and that your relationship is worth saving.
You might decide otherwise. Leaving a relationship
is always difficult. You should be prepared to face not just financial and
technical problems, but also lots of emotional stress. Most of the times, these
are the simplest things: such as sitting down for a cup of tea in the evening
and exchanging a few phrases or taking a stroll during the weekend; curling up
together on the couch to watch a movie or giving your baby a bath together. You
must be able to give yourself an honest answer: if I was to leave him, will I
be able to overcome multiple spurs to get back with him? Weigh your situation:
would you rather put up with his bad points and be with him OR start a fresh
life without him where you will have to overcome your habits?
It took me 3 times to finally leave my ex-
husband. I kept going back because it was an easier, more familiar life. Being without
him meant being able to overcome difficulties by myself, alone. The desire to
get back into my comfort zone was overwhelming. Even 5 months along after the
final, 3rd split, my heart was looking for excuses to go back. But
the logical mind kept saying: there is nothing to do there, you’ve tried enough
times.
Sticking to my new independent life was hard but
I knew that eventually I would become happier and my self-esteem would come
back. I knew that eventually my heart would get in harmony with my mind. I just
need to be strong and keep going.
There is, however, also a different way. An easy
and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just
fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There
are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable
for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so
much!’ Yes, the euphoria of free fall
cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up. But if we do choose
the free fall, what is waiting for us down there? Pain from hitting the bottom,
disappointment and loss of self-esteem, as well as loss of respect of some
people. Possibly even loss of HIS respect. Will he respect you coming back again
and again? So if you did decide to leave him in the first place, stick to your
decision and be a strong woman. Don’t fall.
We all have different situations. Make sure that
whatever way you choose, you need to feel that your mind and heart are living
in harmony.
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