Should I leave him?

So you cannot go on like that anymore. You love him, sure,  (or so you think) but it’s just not working out. In any “department”. But hold on, the bedroom department, is actually quite good… Who cares now? You haven’t lived under one roof for over half a year. Every now and then you would get together because you are still used to each other and spend a steamy night. It all seems better after such night: problems kind of drift away and you are quietly whispering to yourself “See, you cannot live without me! Ha!”

But before you know it, problems creep back in again. The magic of that “every now and then” night wears off and you feel that you are facing the same old disagreements and misunderstanding. Cold shoulder. And, to be completely honest, you cannot really stand his life approach. There are a lot of things that just annoy you about him: he spends way too much time with his mother, he is far from being romantic, he is just not the type of person you always dreamt about. He is not your type. But leaving him seems like an improbable venture.  

This is the moment when you need to take a time out of your love-emotions, sit down and think logically. Take a piece of paper and a pen if you need to see a clearer picture before your eyes. Paper can take everything, so start writing!

Write down all the ‘pros’ = handsome, clever, his salary and future career are promising, he is a good father to your child (if applicable), honest. OK, now the ‘cons’ = doesn’t give you enough attention, spends all the time either at work or with his mother, too scrupulous with money, you have children together but he still hasn’t proposed to you, even after 6 years together. I am giving you an example from my past but obviously everyone’s situation is different. You will have points on your list that are typical to your own situation.

Have a good look at all these points, pay special attention to the ‘pros’ part of the list. You man deserves it, no matter how mad you are with him at present. Refer to Personality Types http://cherryblossomcoach.blogspot.co.nz/p/personality-types.html  Think: how you can press the right buttons with him? What is HIS language of love? For example for my ex-husband, the “language of love” was to be completely domesticated, to clean, cook, wash, scrub etc. And he would completely clam up and play deaf if I was asking him to go out with me: take me out for dinner or just take a walk through the city.

Are you prepared to talk his language of love and work for your relationship? Going through the analysis of different personality types, you might discover that you are totally prepared to change your ways for him and that your relationship is worth saving.

You might decide otherwise. Leaving a relationship is always difficult. You should be prepared to face not just financial and technical problems, but also lots of emotional stress. Most of the times, these are the simplest things: such as sitting down for a cup of tea in the evening and exchanging a few phrases or taking a stroll during the weekend; curling up together on the couch to watch a movie or giving your baby a bath together. You must be able to give yourself an honest answer: if I was to leave him, will I be able to overcome multiple spurs to get back with him? Weigh your situation: would you rather put up with his bad points and be with him OR start a fresh life without him where you will have to overcome your habits?

It took me 3 times to finally leave my ex- husband. I kept going back because it was an easier, more familiar life. Being without him meant being able to overcome difficulties by myself, alone. The desire to get back into my comfort zone was overwhelming. Even 5 months along after the final, 3^rd split, my heart was looking for excuses to go back. But the logical mind kept saying: there is nothing to do there, you’ve tried enough times.

Sticking to my new independent life was hard but I knew that eventually I would become happier and my self-esteem would come back. I knew that eventually my heart would get in harmony with my mind. I just need to be strong and keep going.

There is, however, also a different way. An easy and quick way because it is a way down. Don’t even need to do anything, just fold down your wings and fall. Falling, falling – and here is the rock bottom. There are no inner-battles there, feels good. By nature, this way is more approachable for us, the Law of Gravity works, you see. Free fall and ‘Ah, I wanted it so much!’  Yes, the euphoria of free fall cannot be compared with the difficulties of climbing up. But if we do choose the free fall, what is waiting for us down there? Pain from hitting the bottom, disappointment and loss of self-esteem, as well as loss of respect of some people. Possibly even loss of HIS respect. Will he respect you coming back again and again? So if you did decide to leave him in the first place, stick to your decision and be a strong woman. Don’t fall.

We all have different situations. Make sure that whatever way you choose, you need to feel that your mind and heart are living in harmony.

 

Acknowledge the problem, find the solution

Cherry Blossom Coach: Acknowledge the problem, find the solution: We are women. What it means is that we can fix any problem under the sun. Alone, by ourselves! Right? Your baby is growing up, and...

How to find Motivation - Part 2

Yesterday we spoke about Motivation Killers and Drivers, and about what has been keeping you from pursuing your dreams and making them a reality?

The good news is you have absolutely NOTHING to lose and everything to gain! Because when you go for your dreams, there will be some problems and sometimes you won’t get the result you expect…

But that does NOT mean you’ve failed. But in fact, it means you’ve WON! You’ve won a valuable experience!

It might surprise you but the truth is that your problems are NOT your worst enemies; they are your good friends. They help you grow stronger and learn valuable experiences that will help you to achieve more in the future.

So you shouldn’t be afraid of problems, but instead, like them and be thankful for them! Be philosophical about it.

What’s keeping you from going after what you want and becoming who you want? Are you waiting for the right time to start? Well, the golden opportunity you’ve been always waiting for is TODAY, RIGHT NOW and at this very moment!

Don’t let it pass by. Decide what you want to have in your life and who you want to be… and then make it a reality!

It’s so simple. Just decide and do it! How to decide?

Successful people have a clear sense of purpose and direction in every area of their lives.

Your ability to set clear, specific goals for yourself in every area of your life will do more for you than any other single skill or quality. Absolute clarity about what you want is the starting point of all great accomplishments.

The more definite and focused you are, the easier it is for you to make better decisions on your priorities and the use of your time. The more time you spend on your most important goals, the more you accomplish, and the better you get at accomplishing even more. And the more you achieve, the better you feel about yourself, the more you feel like a winner, and the more you want to achieve. You put yourself onto an upward spiral that leads to ever-greater  accomplishments. You feel terrific about yourself.

Shall we build a plan? The following exercise belongs to Brian Tracy, Success guru.

Take a piece of paper and write the words “Dream List” at the top of the page, along with a current date. Create your own “five-year fantasy.”

Imagine that five years have passed and your life is now perfect in every respect. Imagine that all your goals have been achieved, all your problems have been solved and you are living the life of your dreams.

Imagine that your income, bank account, relationships, family life, health, work and career are ideal in every way. Create a burning desire for something that you’ve always wanted.

What would you be doing?

Who are the people around you?

Who is no longer there?

How much are you earning? What sort of lifestyle and family do you have? What kind of home, car, clothes and level of physical fitness would you have?

Describe your future vision for yourself in complete detail by writing out everything you could ever imagine wanting to have on your “Dream List.”

Some people will come up with a list of only five or ten items. Others will come up with a list of 200 or 300 items that they would like to accomplish in the next five years.

Once you’ve written down a list of your dreams and goals, a list of everything that you would like to have in your life, the next step is for you to set priorities on them.

Next to the items that are most important to you, the ones that can make the greatest difference in your life, and which you desire most intensely, write the letter ‘A’.

Next to the things that you would like to have but which are not as important or as life changing as the first category, you write the letter ‘B’.

Next to each of the remaining items, goals that you wrote down that you would like but which you don’t care about passionately, write the letter ‘C’.

Now, transfer all of your ‘A’ goals to a separate sheet of paper. Then ask yourself, “What one goal on this list, if I were to achieve it, would have the greatest positive impact on my life?”

Write ‘A-1’ next to this primary goal. Then ask yourself, “If I could only achieve one more goal on this list, which one would it be?”

The rest is coded A-2, A-3 and so on.

Your A-1 goal should be your “Big Dream,” the most important goal in your life. The accomplishment of this goal will lead you to the accomplishment of more of your other goals than other single goal on your list.

By deciding on this A-1 goal for yourself, you join the top 3% of high achieving men and women in our society.

Make a detailed plan of action how to achieve your BIG DREAM .

In the planning stage, you take a clean sheet of paper and write your A-1 goal at the top of the page in the present tense as though it were already a reality.

For example, you could write, “I earn $100,000 per year.”

Imagine yourself THERE, where you are going, where you want to be. Try and sense every detail: how do you look, how do you feel, who are the people around you? What do you know that you didn’t know before? And with all the confidence that you now have, look back at that person you used to be. When looking back, you would know what you need to do in order to achieve your Dream Life, you would know how to get there. That’s right, it is because now you are such a knowledgeable and successful person.

You then make a list of everything you can think of that you can do to achieve that goal. As time passes, you will think of additional things you can do, which you add to your list. You keep adding new ideas until your list is complete.

Review this plan each day, every week..

Resolve to do something every day to move yourself towards the accomplishment of your DREAM. No matter how small that thing could be

This daily work on your goals enables you to develop and maintain a certain degree of achievement. With this momentum, you will be astonished at how rapidly you begin to make progress on even your largest and most challenging goals.

To overcome the lack of motivation, you must become aware of the obstacles along the way; acknowledge them so you know WHAT to overcome, how to deal with your emotions.

Without motivation there will never be any motion that is required to achieve the improbable and overcome the impossible. We need that motion to sustain the energy and to keep us going.

It is what helped the creator of Hotmail to start a business in 1996 and develop it, without any business background and no money, to finally sell it on to Microsoft a few years later for $400 million.
It is what will take you where you want to be and it is what will help you to have what you want to have in your life.
Put YOUR sail up and sail across the ocean of obstacles, and you will inevitably become a happier person who will land at the Big Dream Island one day!

How to find Motivation - Part 1

Yesterday, we’ve ran a successful workshop on Motivation and How to Get to Your Dream.

Today, I am posting Part 1 of the Motivational workshop for you to follow up.

I will present to you with some really powerful material and we will find the answers to the everyday questions:

-          What is Motivation

-          Why the lack of Motivation

-          Where to find it and once you found it, how to keep it, and

-          How to get to your Dream, using that wonderful Motivation

 What is Motivation?

• It is the drive.
• It is the spark.
• It is the dream.
• It is the idea.
• It is the inspiration
• It is the beginning of all things.

My Dad usually says: Motivation doesn’t last. It’s like having a shower. I recommend it DAILY!

So why is it that Motivation doesn’t last? Where does it disappear to?

I am going to open a little secret for you here….

Do you know, that it is happening because we are programmed at a very early age and most of this programming is of a negative nature!

This negativity restricts us in achieving our potential.

The sting of criticism lasts longer than the balm of praise.

Multiple studies show that people pay keen attention to negative information. For example, when asked to recall important emotional events, people remember 4 negative memories for every positive one.

As a result, person develops a very limited belief or expectation of themselves and performs accordingly for the remainder of their life. Unless, they are fortunate enough to learn how to re-program themselves.

Lack of motivation and lack of enthusiasm are two of the main reasons for failure and of living a mediocre life. People lacking in motivation and enthusiasm are usually passive, blame everything and everyone for their circumstances, and often come up with many excuses why they shouldn't or cannot do this or that.

Would you please think with me, what are the Motivation Killers for you? What takes wind out of YOUR Sail when it comes to Motivation?

Nagging, Harsh criticism, Losing hope, No support, Low Self- Esteem, Lack of Faith, Procrastination, Fear what others might say, Lack of time to look into the subject or goal, Fear of failure because of the past experience, Absence of incentive.

And when somebody constantly nags you, doesn’t support you, shows no belief in you – what sort of state to you get into? Unable to perform/progress. Loose of interest and belief in your own actions. The list goes on.

Motivation is a vulnerable subject. It’s made up of many things and it can be impacted by many factors and people.

It is fair to say that motivation comes from within us and from outside.

Shall we now move away from the Negative? I think, we sometimes have too much of that in our life.

Let’s have a look at the Motivation Drivers? What motivates you? What keeps you moving and wanting to achieve?

Support, Other people’s belief in you, Praise, Enough rest? And what are you trying to achieve for yourself: promotion, find the love of your life, get a certain position in the society, prove yourself, open a new business venture?

Being happy, driven, on top of the world is a wonderful feeling that allows us to live and work to our strengths and enjoy the process of creating a positive experience and outcome for ourselves and people around us. 

Have you ever tried to shift your paradigm and start seeing possibilities instead of problems?

SOAR

The SOAR is based in Appreciative Inquiry – an approach which creates tremendous energy and great results through focused inquiry on strengths and successes.

STRENGTH – OPPORTUNITIES – ASPIRATIONS - RESULTS

Exercise: Now think about a life-changing experience of yours. Cast your mind back to this experience, embrace yourself in it and think about the time when you felt most alive, most involved and passionate!

1. What was happening?


2. Who was involved?


3. What strengths did you use to inspire yourself and motivate others?


4. What do you think made it an exceptionally positive experience?

Carefully think about your feelings and emotions. Use the positive base of it to achieve more goals in your life!

Exercise:
If someone with big magical powers comes to you right now and tells you that you may wish for anything you want to have and become anyone you want to be, what and who will you choose?

Let me clear it up that you may choose ANYTHING – no matter how big your dream is.
It may sound impossible or unrealistic for now. But trust me that we’re going to get to a very important point.

Come on! What do you want?

To have one million dollars? To be a world-famous Rockstar? To win a Gold medal in Olympics for your favourite sports? To find a love of your life, wonderful wife/husband?

It can be anything. And WHO do you want to be?

So let me ask you a question…

Why don’t you have what you just told me “right now”? Really, why? Have ever thought about it seriously?

What has been keeping you from pursuing your dreams and making them a reality?

Is it because you’ve always had this fear that you might not succeed and become disappointed along the way? Negative affirmations? Have you been programming yourself for not succeeding?

Do you want to learn how to set your Big Dream and start working towards it? Today, we’ve learn 2 valuable exercises: how to see your Motivation Drivers and how to immerse yourself in the past positive experience and use those strengths to your advantage.

Follow this blog now to find out an extremely valuable exercise that will help you with further steps towards your Dream. We’ll see you tomorrow!

How to deal with different types of people

To give you more insight on different Personality Types http://cherryblossomcoach.blogspot.co.nz/p/personality-types.html and moreover how to deal with each of these styles, read this.

So what works for Playfuls? What is the language they understand?
People come first! Playfuls cannot work without people. They are not afraid to start a conversation, so in the area of Sales or in personal life, they are really good at starting new relationships and building them further.
Give them an active and buzzing environment, let them develop new ideas. Keep in mind, though, that working further on these ideas is a different story....
Playfuls are usually very charismatic, so give them that opportunity to be in the front line, to present and to network. They love helping people.
Give them attention, time for affection, listen to their stories attentively, give them approval and acceptance.

What works for Powerfuls?
Do you know that Powerfuls get upset with a need to sleep? Yes, that's right! It interrupts their work, their ability to produce. They need more time to work with. If you feel that they are on the mission, do try to give them space and time. They will appreciate you for that.
When they are under stress and tired, just tell them that you see how hard they've been working, tell them that they need a time out.
Credit their abilities and the work that they do - that's all they need to produce more!

What works for Peacefuls?
Peaceful are great at finding peace and harmony. If there are problems at home or at work, they will wait for the fire to cease and then join the winning team.
They know all the gossip, people feel at ease sharing their problems with them. Do remember that they will never give your secrets away. Value them for that.
Give them quite and calm environment. Wait for the right moment to push your energy and excitement outbursts at them.
Respect them for what they are, even if you think they are too quite and non-energetic. They will respond back with lots of positivity!

What works for Precises?
Precises have an amazing ability to qualify and quantify everything, so fewer mistakes are made. They feel secure when the world around them is based on a data and analyzing. It is often hard for them to accept that others don't look at the world the same way they do.
Plans, plans and plans. Organise everything and everyone around them. So go along with it: sometimes it is just easier to agree.
Precises are very sensitive types. Do aknowledge what they are going through.
Space and silence is what they require, so from time to time do them a favour and leave them alone. They love you (or they think you are a great boss at work), but they also need a time of their own to be able to carry on.

And what works for you? What Personality Type are you? Please comment.

5 sure ways to kick Stress

- Cuddle me, darling?
- Oh, sorry, sweetie, but I must run! I am on the mission, I need to do this and then that and then this....
The list goes on.

Are you a super-busy person too? So busy that you don't have time to breath out, take a moment and give your partner a cuddle?

Do you feel overwhelmed with millions of things to be done? Yes, in our days stress is a status quo, an attribute of a certain lifestyle, like a car or designer jeans. It is fashionable to be busy. Who can afford to leave the office at 5 pm? Who can openly talk about the whole weekend spent snuggled up in bed, munching apples and reading a silly love-story book? Oh no! This is viewed as an element of laziness, even some kind of failure. People congratulate us on being able to juggle so many balls without dropping any. It is some sort of competition: who is the Busiest, who is the most Stressed.

Stress addiction
Watch out for these factors:

• You are switching out of conversations because you are thinking about other things to be done
• Feeling rushed wherever you are because you feel that you must be now attending to something else
• Feeling uncomfortable and nervois when you find yourself doing nothing

What might have started as an attempt to make yourself appear important, or to make yourself feel indispensable, either at work or in your personal life, could have turned into an addiction to the powerful hormones that are released by your body in response to stress. It is very easy to get used to adrenalin rush and to start accepting the buzz as a norm.
In my article on Personality Types http://cherryblossomcoach.blogspot.co.nz/p/personality-types.html you would have read that some of us, like Powerfuls, for instance, absolutely thrive on stress and emergency situations.
Once you've understood what keeps you super-busy and why its happening, you will be able to see that 'stress addiction' is nothing more than bad habit and can be kicked as all other bad habits.

Deal with it!

• Sit down and give yourself an honest answer: are you really busy or you're 'busying' yourself, wanting others to see how important and busy you are?
• If you still believe that all the things that keep you so busy are important to be done, then the next step is to take a sheet of paper and start writing lists what really needs to be done. Use a red marker or pen to scratch out each completed task. I promise: you will feel less overwhelmed and sressed once you see it all in front of you, on a piece of paper. You will feel more in control!
• Get rid of all the time wasters like posting your ever-changing status on Facebook, or attending to dozens of newsletter-type emails in your Inbox. Yes, sure, the information that is contained in there seems to be of vital importance, but you usually end up rather stressed after jumping from one informative email to another. Before you know it, at least 40 minutes are gone from your day.
• Still feeling stressed and overwhelmed with your own busyness? Take some time off. Change your daily routine and do something that you won't be doing otherwise: put those cosy socks on, grab a good book or even latest gossip magazine, make yourself a cup of relaxing herbal tea and forget about the world. Purposely!
• Have a glass of wine with your friend and a good giggle. If laughter doesn't come easy in your situation, have a good cry! I'm serious: both, laughter and tears are wonderul cleansers of stress.

Do be aware, however:
- if you having problems sleeping
- find it hard to concentrate
- feel depressed and have muscle pains
- having problems with your skin,
do seek professional advice. Chiropractors, herbalists and GPs are absolutely capable of helping you, if needed!

And to end my today's post, I would like to mention two of my favourite quotes on stress:

"Stress is nothing more than a socially accepted form of mental illness" - Richard Carlson
" There is more to life than increasing its speed" - Gandhi

Think about it. I welcome your comments!

Do you agree?

Life is like a piano: the white keys represent happiness, the black keys show sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that black keys make music, too.